It’s quarter past one. I am writing this from the medical library. Yeah revision again, what else?

I had a huge argument today, with “The time bomb”. I don’t, usually, lose my temper. But I just did. Every time when exam approaches, something emotional is bound to happen. I did not attempt to, this time, share what happened to my friends, or anyone else. I knew for sure nobody could understand just exactly how I feel.

There again, I’m meeting my Geri consultant in less than 5 hours. I kept checking my phone. Not knowing what to expect.

“What are you doing?”

I was shouted at, with this sentence struck in my head.

“What are you thinking? You need to be more careful”

Repeatedly.

I don’t know what I was doing. I know what I am doing now.

Here I am, sitting in front of a computer, alone, in the medic’s library.

It’s a saturday night, no doubt. And the weather isn’t exceptionally bad. I chose to be here alone nonetheless, not because I am super keen on getting my work done; neither was it because I don’t have a life. I just have too much in my mind at the mo, and I needed a second where people stop showing concern and asking questions, just so I could digest all the issues.

He is leaving, that is for sure. Just a matter of time.

She is not leaving that is for sure, and that has nothing to do with duration.

Sometimes I really do wonder why am I stuck in a situation like this. Repeatedly. I mean, is it because I am moving from a city to another? I don’t like to have such assumption because I didn’t choose to move from one place to another. When I was in SA I wanted to be with my best buddy forever, even thinking of switching my university. Soon after I was settling down in KL and didn’t want to go anywhere because of the same reason. Now I flew all the way to Scotland, and amazingly found him despite my temper and all the short comings, and now he has to move. Will I be influenced and chose to work somewhere close to him, only to find out we all make new friends at some point of our life?

She once inspired me that at times of difficulties, you realise how precious it is to have that somebody who stands by you all the time. Such privilege that not everyone on earth is fortunate enough to have.

But it is the bond, the kick and the sense of security that I will miss ardently. Time to be independent?

No dragging game I promise.

 

By the way, sorry for the lack of blogging. I’m just. Genuinely lazy. Since results were released:)

Hmmm So I missed the new year post. I missed the X’mas post. I missed the general-lamentations-for-exam-preperation post and walau damn many other posts. Well you can’t blame me, exam ends on the 31st of Dec and I had so little time to rest till now… what date is today again?

Had a seven days intensive, I mean, really full forced shopping and movie and eat-out sessions with the closest people I have in IMU. Club Monaco, United Colours, Zara, Calvin Klein, Levi’s… wohoo. I think I can write the confession of a shopoholic-alcoholic-eatoholic? Picked up gym and revised my strokes in the swimming pool so I guess I didn’t have too much of adipose with me at the moment. Anyways,

I didn’t decide to blog about this to tell my readers about how enjoyable the holiday was, and is. It is all because I got emo, that time is flying past so soon. Had a great time reconnecting with my family members. Spent some quality moments with my Tua Yee and Sue Ku and smart-ass cousins who were everywhere. Then I finally went back home after my competition and AMSA event and the first thing that strikes me (yes even now) is that both of them grew older. I mean of course mitosis and ageing and stuff but I guess I wasn’t really prepared to know that my parents are getting older day by day. It was then I realised perhaps I spent too little time at home. In the Oil Palm Street, where I grew to who I am now.

De Ko took me and still takes me to jog in the park every morning. And not to say the breeze carressed my face or what but I sorta miss the smell as I run. A smell of familiarity. I know every single short cut in my neighbourhood. I know most people whom I met in the street or market. I can sense when is it going to rain. I kinda know the characters of BP-ians. It is MY place. My, hometown. My home.

Chris called. I told him I was emo ever since I came back. He was laughing and he told me he could come fetch me back to KL if I want since he’s going back after his business (yeah he started one and left the accounting work) on friday. I told him no it wasn’t that. Then rudely I hung his call.

Then I got a few Audio mms (wtf dunno what they were) and apparently my KL friends whom I thought had abandoned me sang me some songs via mms. I was like wtf no need to be so drama gua, I was just exaggerating my sadness to Chris but then Chris told me it has been a long time since I met them and open up to them so they wanted to do something silly to me. (Which I actually did you dumb-ass Brandon, love you still). It was then I found out how selfish I am. Back then when I had problem they are the first to know because I can’t wait to tell those frustration to someone.; but did I ask much about how they are? Not really.

I guess I can’t blame Jo, and Dav. My fault. I’m very selfish person.

Finally hang out with Cat and Ching Sheng. He bought me some chocolates from Aussie. Tom, Dick and Harry forever. Funny tho, ever since Cat went to IMU I felt that we hang out less tho we’re in the same varsity. He always claimed that I ffk him on occasions but well.. in retrospect I think he ffk-ed me quite often too>< Had a quality hang out with Hooi Lie too. After a long while. My this very special friend bought me my favourite Bailey’s from Aussie. xoxo. Haha. Learn that big head. Bring me some pistachio naugats next time! XD

Why am I changing the blogging tone from melancholy to joyful ones?

Friendship. Warmth. Perhaps. Why can’t I cover nicely all important aspects of my life- family, studies, friendship and relationship? Greedy. Greedy and selfish. Gosh.

But be empathy, please. I have to constantly push myself for the desired grades which had taken a toll on me mentally and physically. I have so many extra mural activities to juggle. And all my friends are of different wavelengths and I adjust myself accordingly. I’m really exhausted. Not now la, now very relaxed but owhhhh previously I was very very drained.

I miss you.

What date is today again?

ps : Going steamboat with Cat and CS. Apparently we have a food hunt starting from today in BP. Gonabeeee. So i’m gonna bring my camera and took some awesome shots. Before that, exercise!

pps : Jun How if you read this you can delete my link la. I kinda write many inner thoughts that I didn’t quite want to expose to everyone anyone someone who reads our batch blog.

ppps : FFK marketing IMU. Not gonna help out in coming edu-fair. WAKAKAKA. Evil evil parents (from the public) go away, awesome awesome parents (mine) here to stay!

pppps : got photo one ok. let me pick some and upload

A few days back my varsity decided to send all the student ambassadors for a grooming class. And they’d asked one of the most pro image consultant in the whole of Asia – Ms Dolly Kee from Image Power to, sorta teach us how to behave, poise and stand out gracefully. When I was first told bout it, I didn’t really give a shit about it, to me, I’m already an expert in grooming, like, hello, do you want to teach me how to style my hair?

Relunctantly I went for the session. She. I must say, is one of the few ladies who gave me the most vivid first impression ever. She styled herself like a man, with her cynic smile and the CK perfume (I’m a bit sensitive to smell) she totally took control of the whole situation. She managed to leave us speechless most of the time, but she too, made us laugh like mad very frequently.

If you ask me what did I learn from her session, my answer wouldn’t be how I should laugh, the right way to sit, the right way to cross my legs, the colour coordination that I should use for my shirts and pants… It would be how important a person’s first impression is.

Speaking of which. I have always been taking people’s first impression easily. There’s this girl whom I thought was kinda silly and lala, to me she would probably be a laughing matter for her friends, the stigma was so serious to the extend that I wouldn’t bother to say hi to her in campus, my bad. After knowing her for some time I realised she has one of the purest heart that a girl could probably seek for. Though her way of persuing things that she wants is a bit… extraordinary. Yes, she has fantasies. But you’ll probably feel shameful if you compare your lusty, materialistic fantasy to hers. Angelic.

On the contrary, there’s this guy whom I think, well, friendly upon first impression? And bet about it, he soon influenced people around him like nobody’s business, people started telling each other how down to earth this guy is. Of course, that’s what I thought too. Nevertheless after sometime, people started to backfire him. I was puzzled. Because one moment I heard someone singing praises to him, anohter moment someone stabbed him in front of me. Not knowing him “very well”, I was confused, especially he treated me “not-bad-well”. Only until recently that I really see through his personality. How cruel the truth is when in real life, there’re people who really pick friends – friends that could probably benefit you. Ah. cheap skate.

Maybe I’m wrong after all.

Perception is something subjective, Ms Dolly told me, over the lunch.

She said I mirrored her when she was young, during the first break, when I joined the crowd late. I thought it wasn’t really a compliment so I didn’t pay much attention talking to her. She went on and tell me about the art of listening and speaking and that was when I pretended that I’m enggaged very much into her conversation. And I can’t help but to remember myself discovering a dirty secret of somebody, a public enemy. I could, after all, tell my friends about it and laugh about it since that somebody is sort of a public enemy. But I decided not to. Because it wouldn’t be good, and Ms Dolly probably wouldn’t say it too, if she thinks from my shoe.

Your image is your power. Her slogan. So cliche, gave me goosebums all over my body. But come to think about it. How true it is. And that, is the ugly truth:)

I like the song, A pocket full of sunshine, in the movie “The Ugly Truth”

Drunk. Too much fruit juice.

Sunday, someone texted me, hinting that something is not going right. He remembers, that on his saturday night bash in Zouk, something is missing. Someone, maybe.

Monday, he sent him a text message. No reply, even after 24 hours. Strange he thought, never in history.

Thursday, he had an urge to go online and chat with his old buddies. After all, it is where he met that group of buddies, and it is where, he met him.

Dumbfounded. He wondered, is he ever going to see the name, “I am who I am”, appearing anymore, because, he wanted to apologise to him, just so badly.

Just came back from a three days medical conference held in Palace of the Golden Horses, you’re right, I had a really great time there, taking photos around, making new friends, chilling while others are busy studying.

I don’t know why but I can’t seem to sleep now, in spite of complaining the tiredness repeatedly.

And puff… maybe this is just an emo post. Or maybe not.

I have a basketball match, as in real competative match in 12 hours time. Many will have a jaw displacement when they get to know that I’m in the basketball team but haha, yea, I’m a basketballer! How cool is that? And wth I freaking scored 2 points ok? And I’m pretty sure nobody cares if it’s scored by chance or thru my extraordinary nasketball skills. Haha.

I got annoyed for no reasons for the past one week. Well as vividly as I could remember, the first incidence was because I was charged RM26 for coming back from mid valley to sri petaling. It’s not the money issue that made me felt pissed, in fact I don’t really think the 10bucks difference (usual price around 15) is going to kill me, it’s just the ignorance of the driver and ahhh… I was angry for no reasons. Subsequently, there was this finale night, and I couldn’t make it because I have to be in the palace, and while I was giving out my signatures to the juniors, S told me that L cried.

Dumbfounded, I asked why L cried? In fact the tensed situation in the Orientation HQ made me even more.. inquistic? So I decided to find out the truth. Someone then told me she quarreled with B and deep down I honestly think that the whole thing was kinda expected. A few hours later people started asking me why did I make L cry. I was very very annoyed but I was left speechless. I guess my silence made them thought it was an act of guilt.

I left IMU to palace without smiling. Until WL cracked some ultimate lame joke and I’m all back to myself again.

At times I hope Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter series gets the “rewinding clock” instead of Hermione, because I want to be Cedric and not Hermione, haha, and I seriously have not enough time to do whatever I wish to do. I need to visit my parents, I need to visit Peter, I need to debate, I need to play basketball, I need to dance, I need to eat good food and most importantly I need to study. I could still remember what David told me the day he treated me sushi, he said it is worth investing (meals he meant) on me because he knows Im somebody who would stay on course all the time, no matter what. Speaking of which, I miss him lots.

Emo too because I haven’t been breaking the ice with Joseph. He is still mad at me.

Only if I could run the EMO book store.

“Johnson ar, lu xiao si bo?” (Hokkien)

Didn’t quite know the reason for the sudden motivation to update my blog.

Had dinner with Nic, top notch lawyer I would say. Young, dashing, cool, funny, rich. He’s everything a man would probably seek to be. I sat quietly on my seat, working very hard on the big plate of salted egg yolk crabs, big pot of butter cheese prawns and the super yummy plate of mixed vegetables; laughed for the sake of laughing occasionally, when I see that Nic was trying to crack a joke, very hard.

“I’m going to resign and then help the poor kids by joining the UN ambassador programme, I mean, I feel so good,” He smiled and scoped some prawns into my bowl.

“You’re not kidding me,” followed by my long 2 minute laughter.

He didn’t reply me. He just kept smiling, and eating.

I was stunned. Really stunned. I held the legs of the crabs that it seemed I was playing with them instead of eating them. He worked so hard, so hard for where he is right now. I knew him even before he went to the United Kingdom. He works in the arguably biggest law firm right now. He has just too much of potential to not give his career a full stop now. More so, he is only 26.

“John you know, I play only a small role in my company now, but when I work for the poor, I’m creating a great impact, making a difference in others’ life”

“And by doing so, I feel, everyone, at least those whom I can see, gets a piece of the blessing that you and I are having”

It was the longest dinner I ever had. We left when the restaurant was about to close, and Nic took me to the pond next to it. He took up a stone and threw it. I’d not seen sparks from his eyes for so many years. I took another stone and did the same. It hit a rock and flew up fromt he surface of the water.

“Ahhh.. blessings found John,” Nic gave me his typical smile again.

“Yahh Monkey,” I replied

“What did you just call me??”

“Monkey. Don’t bother about that first,”

Nic turned to me and he stopped laughing this time. I took out my wallet and pass him a 50 bucks note.

“What are you doing? It’s my treat just now. Plus the bill was 100+, you’re still a student, don’t be silly”

I smiled back. My turn. And I told him that wasn’t for the meal we just had. It is for him to buy something for the poor kids that he’s telling me about. I told him the cliche line, the one you see in dramas all the time, “50 bucks may not make any difference to what you’re doing, but I want you to remember that you’re not doing it alone, tell me about it when we meet again aite?”

Nic didn’t hug me. He pat my shoulder softly.

“Come on, give me the keys, I’ll drive you back”

That’s him. My friend, who found his blessings, and giving it to others at the same time.

First of all yea people, it’s shocking I know, for me to update my long dead blog, not mentioning in the midst of exam preperation. Not because of the stress, no.

You know I’m writing this for you. And I know you will check this post out. Despite the email that I swiftly replied today, I think I owe you this:

Thanks for loving me, ardently

It’s funny when I put on my iPod earphone this morning and out of the blue realised that the song which I always listen to has a very deep meaningful lyrics. And it came just right in time after me reading your email this morning. So yea, sorry if what I did hurts you for the past 4 months, and my apology comes from the bottom of my heart.

Hey, you deserve someone better.

And I’m always there for you to fall back on, as a friend.

Always

Jon

Millions of apology for not updating my blog. Bah… Not updating, but initiating a post here^^

So cool people.

I remember I onced interviewed David and asked him how he could come out with the same smile over and over again. I was flabbergasted by his smile again after I asked him that. Swt, yea.

He has the same smile... All the time!!!

He has the same smile... All the time!!!

That’s why he has the nick – Mr Doraemon.

Looking into this at a more macro level. It’s hard to find these smiling faces these days even in the campus itself, what more a radient one. When I wake up everyday at about 6.30, say goodbye to my bolster in which I cuddled the whole night (yea, I own a gigantic bolster, Si Han would know the best, it has a name), rush through morning routine, persevered all the way up to the auditorium, the least that I would expect is a moody surrounding.

And yea *updates* haha…

It just puzzles me every single morning. Seeing people with different smiles on their face